Managing Holiday Stress for the Lung Cancer Caregiver

If you add the usual chaos that comes along with the holiday season to caring for a loved one with a serious illness like lung cancer, it can be a recipe for stress. Don't fret. There are ways to manage your caregiving responsibilities and the holidays.

Holidays: Adding to Caregiver Stress

If you are caring for a loved one who has lung cancer, there are many reasons holidays might be particularly stressful for you.

• Firs
  t, the emotions you feel about your loved one's condition can be more pronounced during the holidays. If you have been feeling sad, scared, or angry about the lung cancer diagnosis, these emotions may heighten at every holiday and family occasion.
• There are those images of happy family gatherings that bombard us during the holidays: You may feel resentment toward others who are not dealing with the worry of caring for someone with lung cancer, and even guilty about the resentment.
• If you're responsible for most of your loved one's caregiving, you may find yourself feeling particularly bitter toward family members who aren't making an effort to help, especially during the holidays.
• Most people's to-do lists multiply during the holidays. Combining that stress with obligations you have as a lung cancer caregiver can leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Holiday Stress: How to Manage

Try reflecting on what you have, rather than on what you've lost. During the holidays, "you need to embrace where you are, what you've been through, and how you can appreciate what you've had versus what you are missing and

what you might lose," says Julie Walther Scheibel, MEd, a counselor at Concordia Seminary Counseling and Resource Center in St. Louis, Mo.

Here are some tips for navigating the holidays while caring for your loved one who has lung cancer:

• Involve your loved one. Make an effort to involve the patient in holiday preparations or traditions.
• Accept your emotions. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad, scared, or angry about what's happened to your loved one with lung cancer. Allow yourself to experience these emotions and talk with your loved one and other friends and family members about your feelings.
• Maintain your routine. Just because the holidays are here doesn't mean your daily routine has to go by the wayside. Take the time you need to exercise and eat nutritious meals.
• Indulge yourself. Give yourself a holiday treat and do activities you enjoy. Read a book, see a movie, eat at a favorite restaurant, listen to music, or treat yourself to a spa day.

Easing Holiday Stress: For the Lung Cancer Patient

Here are ways you can make the season more enjoyable for your loved one:

• Ease your loved one's lung cancer-related symptoms. People with lung cancer often experience coughing and shortness of breath. If these symptoms are preventing your loved one from being able to enjoy the holidays, talk with the medical team. There are many ways to ease these symptoms, including oxygen therapy, medications, and counseling.
• Make mealtimes more enjoyable. Lung cancer and its treatments can lead to loss of appetite, which may be particularly stressful during the holidays if your loved one doesn't want to eat the foods she once enjoyed. Talk with her about foods that sound appetizing, and avoid pressuring her to eat during mealtimes. Instead, play music, light candles, and decorate the table to make holiday meals as relaxed and festive as possible.
• Plan early holiday activities. Organize breakfasts and brunches instead of big dinners. Often, lung cancer patients have a bigger appetite in the morning as well as more energy. Get-togethers earlier in the day will be more enjoyable, and the emphasis can be more on visiting than eating.

Most importantly, resist the temptation to make the holidays "perfect" — whatever your vision of perfection is. In the best of times, that's a tall order. When you are coping with tending to a lung cancer patient's needs, that tall order could be nearly impossible. Minimizing this self-imposed stress could be the best present you'll ever receive.